Forever Changed

Life has forever changed. We are forever changed. 

We are embracing every moment of this new life...hence my absence from blogging for several days. Well, that and the fact that I need to get used to this very unstructured schedule of life. 

Throughout my entire pregnancy I received lots of wanted and unwanted advice. Who doesn't? I value what everyone thinks so I always listened, but didn't always embrace everything I heard. I consistently heard from people that they were so in love with their baby. Not that I didn't believe them, but I wondered how this was truly possible? Is it instant? What makes them so in love? Would I feel this way? Honestly, I was scared. Scared I wouldn't feel the way that THEY all felt. I almost thought it was fake....or people felt obligated to say this about their baby.

I now know what this feels like. I can't pinpoint when this actually happened for me. I remember the moment that Asher exited the womb and was placed on my belly. Fear ran over me. (not just because I was completely traumatized by my delivery...which is a blog post I really need to write), but because he was covered in everything under the sun, attached to this long curly cord and screaming bloody murder. What appeared to me on my chest was "not cute"... but it was OURS. As the hours passed post delivery and his swelling went down I fell deeper and deeper in love with Asher. I remember him trying to latch on immediately after birth and the feeling that came over my body when I realized he was OURS. I remember the first night in the hospital and I believe this was when it happened... I felt IT!

We sent Asher to the nursery both nights we were in the hospital so we could sleep. I hadn't slept in 2 1/2 days and knew I needed sleep. Asher slept 4 hours straight in between each feeding. I remember waking up staring at the clock wondering, where in the world is my child? How can he be sleeping this long? Everyone says baby's don't sleep!? After 4 hours to the minute had passed my screaming baby was rolled into our dark hospital room looking for me and my boobs.  Within seconds the room became silent. It was the three of us, just the three of us. Me in the bed, Philip on his Murphy bed and Asher in his rolling bassinet. I picked him up and his head roamed around looking for my breast. He instantly latched on. At this moment I finally was able to soak up the feeling that everyone talked about.... I was madly in love with this baby. He was all ours!

Another fear I had during pregnancy and labor was based on more information people pumped my brain with during pregnancy... "your husband will never look at you the same way".

My husband was so into my pregnancy and my labor that I started to wonder what had gotten into him. Well, not really (I actually loved it), but he was very intrigued by the whole process and wanted to have a front row seat for everything and I mean EVERYTHING. I was worried that this "front row seat" would change his thoughts about me in many ways.

IT DID.

Our love and respect for each other has been elevated to a new level. I feel even closer to Philip now than I did before I got pregnant and gave birth to Asher. Philip stepped up to the plate big time during labor (when I had to make some tough decisions he stood by my side and supported me), during my recovery (helping me to the bathroom and all that encompassed the bathroom trips) and making sure that I had everything I needed at the hospital and once we got home to take care of both Asher and I.  

He is an amazing daddy and husband. This is all so natural for him (although I have many first time dad funny stories to share).  I love watching him turn to putty when he holds him in his arms and nuzzles on him. He too is so in love with his little mini-me. He is so proud of me and I am so proud of him...together we are forever changed! 

I truly feel very honored to be Philip's wife and Asher's mommy. Our love has truly grown and we are now a family.

photos taken by: nicolefabyphotography.com (a dear friend of mine!)